A Soul's Lament for a Bygone Dream.

Camelot. Oh, glorious Camelot! The shining beacon that inspired the world! The flame that, from the flash of a single spark, set all the hearts of the world on fire. Exquisite, transcendent, indefectible Camelot, all the while slipping into your boundless descent from grace. Was it ever meant to be?

So one foul deed grows into another, the stain, like blood, dousing the earth for evermore, left behind for those yet to come. The toil, the belief, the blood and sweat, all wiped out in the blink of an eye by greed, treachery and betrayal. What began in chaos and destruction, ends in chaos and destruction. Years of hope and travail washed away in a single instant.

The utopia of Camelot was but a dream. The dreamer forgets that dreams become nightmares. The protagonist and antagonist, two sides of the same? Without the darkness, would we recognise the light? Without despair, perhaps no need for hope. Why, then, do we strive? For what purpose our hope? Are we doomed to an endless cycle of hope and failure?

Are good and evil simply figments of man's search for meaning in a sometimes apparently senseless world? If we took a look from our antagonist's side, would we see the same picture emerge?

Britain in the dark ages. Warring tribes, bloodshed and anarchy. A boy pulls a sword from a stone and becomes king. Eden is temporarily regained. To me, the stone stands for dark age Britain, Britain in it's crude form. What is a stone but a mass of minerals heaped together, maybe nothing on the outside, but within, a gem that can be tumbled and polished until it reveals it's true nature. A rare, precious and beautiful treasure, a masterpiece. This was Britain in the sixth century, a goldmine of potential just waiting to be tapped, its true promise hidden to those who would not look. The sword stands for Camelot. Camelot is the treasure, the gleaming prize pulled from the misruled lawlessness. The beautiful city of exemplar perfection pulled from the base, animal wilds.

Only one person could retrieve paradise from the abyss. Many had tried and failed, in their arrogant desire to rule. Only the one with a pure heart could succeed. And succeed he did temporarily, or so it seemed. For Arthur was only human. Unable to resist one night of the forbidden, and Arthur created his own antagonist, Arthur's own dark side made flesh. One mistake that led to his eventual downfall.

Arthur represents the land, and his personal downfall is the kingdom's downfall. But why? Why did one small act have to spell complete devastation?

Are we all destined to fight with ourselves eternally, our noble intentions overridden by the base? I ask again, and I cry out for an answer. Why do we continue with this never-ending cycle? They say all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. With the apathy that now permeates every aspect of life, how can one be expected to do anything? I'm not sure I believe in evil. Evil is generally defined as morally or ethically objectionable behaviour or thought; behaviour or thought which is hateful, cruel, excessively sexual, or violent, devoid of conscience. But people have their own reasons for behaving in such ways. Was Mordred evil for his treachery and rebellion, or was he hurt by the attempt his father had made on his life when he was just a newborn? Was he simply tormented by the lack of love displayed towards him by his father, and angry that his rightful place as crown prince was denied him, when there wasn't even another heir in sight? After all, it was Launcelot and Guinevere who committed the original crime, ( a crime born of love, was that evil?) the truth was simply exposed by Mordred in a vain attempt to restore to himself that which he believed rightfully his.

Of course, in Arthur's eyes, Mordred is a traitor, betrayer of his own father and causer of trouble, the downfall of the kingdom. But perhaps Arthur wouldn't have been so harsh towards his son if he had not been ashamed of his own actions in Mordred's creation.

So it becomes obvious that one man's evil is another man's necessity, or even righteousness, like religious zealots who kill in the name of their god, and governments who war in the name of peace. So many differing opinions, so many opposing views. How can this conflict be resolved? Is there any hope or, like Camelot, has this world been doomed from the outset?

As this world's population grows ever larger, space is diminished, and nature destroyed. Beautiful open land is expunged to build ever more high rise tower blocks, resulting in worsening crime rates, noise pollution, the death of chivalry. Religious and racial wars are just as plentiful now as they were in the middle ages. If anything, they are even worse in the 21st Century with all the new and improved weapons of annihilation we have these days. So much for the age of enlightenment.

People in the west speak highly of the right to free speech, of liberalism. What about places like Saudi Arabia, were one may be stoned to death for breaking a dress code, or even the fascist governments that spring up around Europe from time to time, like the Nazis?

I don't believe free speech is any more of a right for us now than it was in the dark ages. Think of all the things one may not say in Blair's Britain, the CCTV following you everywhere you go, the fingerprinting and DNA taken when you want a new passport that will soon be in effect, now security cameras in lampposts that will be barking orders at passers-by. At least in the dark and middle ages, one could venture out into the countryside and be alone, knowing that they weren't being watched or followed. Not to mention the pollution and urban sprawl. Soon there is quite simply going to be no room at all left. Quality of life is becoming severely diminished. I find myself moving on to pastures new, ever more rural areas, but there is no escape. I just don't see how this world can last much longer.

Is there anywhere left in Britain that one may go to be truly alone, to experience silence and solitude and commune with nature? People are becoming so angry, and is it any wonder when we are piled one on top of the other, less room to breathe all the time? If one cannot take a moment to simply be, with no distractions and no outside interference, will that person not lose their sanity?

People in this modern time are so dissatisfied. We have a wealth of food, medicine, education, knowledge and creature comforts now that people 1000 years ago couldn't even dream of. But are we happier than they were? I doubt it. So many youngsters drift through life with no purpose and nothing to believe in. Under Blair, consumerism has taken the place of spirituality, blame and compensation the place of self-belief, belief in something higher and more worthy than yourself, and the drive to fight for it.

Is it worth fighting, or do we just flow along with the inevitable tide, and end up washed out to sea where we drown, and die a lonely death? Will the golden age of chivalry come upon us once more, or is life now just a downward spiral of ASBOs, irritation and despair? Camelot may not have been a physical reality, it may have been doomed from the outset, perfidy and aggravations lurking below the surface, but it was a land of high hopes, inspiration and ideals to live up to, and a leader worthy of respect, despite his flaws.

I used to pray for the return of the once and future king, but swamped ever more by this encroaching despondency, I fear my faith has dissolved into a gaping black abyss. If steps aren't taken to rectify this situation right now, we really will have passed the point of no return. And thus, I feel I have no choice but to edge ever further from the real world into a land of fantasy, from which I know I may never return.