Awake Knights! For there are dragons to slay and damsels in distress!

A damsel in distress is imprisoned in a tower, trapped by a fire-breathing dragon. Her only hope of rescue is her Prince, her knight in shining armour who will scale the walls to save his lady love, and carry her off into the sunset. And, drum roll please, this way he charges, gallantly storming up to the castle. He leaps his horse over the moat, ascends the fort, lifts her over his shoulder and deposits her on his trusty steed. He slays the dragon and the happy couple gallop away into the night.

Nowhere in this fairytale did the lady snipe, “I can get on the horse myself, thank you!” Nor did the knight say, “Hey baby, let’s go back to my place and have some fun!”

So, where did it all go wrong?

1997. New Labour stage a coup and seize power, amidst joyful renditions of “Things can only get better.” The only problem being that everything had suddenly got a whole lot worse. 24 hour drinking, inebriated (often underage) youngsters lying in gutters or getting into fights every night of the week. Hard working families being taxed into poverty to fund affluent lifestyles for the idle unemployed. Violent criminals being let off scot-free for murder and GBH while the law abiding citizen who attempted to restrain them finds himself serving time for his heroic actions.

Families realise they will be given more state benefits if they split up, resulting in breakdown of family life. This, combined with the uncontrolled immigration free-for-all means kissing goodbye to the green belt, and frequent water shortages in the urgent need for ever more ugly housing. One could go on forever, but the worst thing about the whole sorry situation is the complete lack of “respect” that our incompetent, mendacious and categorically evil Prime Minister loves to keep bleating on about. It's noticeable, however, that there's been no mention of how you legislate against a lack of respect.

The typical image of British youth under New Labour have all the worst elements of the old masculinity - a lack of empathy, gratuitous aggression and an obsession with this "respect" - but none of its positive qualities, like stoicism and a willingness to provide. With nothing to believe in and no need to work for the things they want, apathy has descended like a killer plague, wiping out all traces of life in its merciless path towards total annihilation. Everyone across the country grumbles about the decline of our once-great nation, but nobody actually does anything about it. Why not?

Because under New Labour we have mutated into a bunch of whimpering, mollycoddled brats, who won’t take responsibility for our own actions, but demand, and receive compensation if we so much as take a tumble whilst playing sport. A typical example of this ridiculous culture is in Torquay, where the popular and legendary palm trees that attracted thousands of visitors each year were all hacked down, in case a hapless passer-by should scratch himself on a frond and sue the local council for damages. Meanwhile, Britain and Bagdad burn while Tony plays his fiddle.

National pride is now construed as racism. But every country needs some kind of solemnity and dignity, some sense of occasion. It’s what draws us together when we’re under threat. Perhaps that is why New Labour want to destroy our patriotism, it makes it harder for us to fight them. I remember a TV programme I watched just a few years ago. Some researchers had decided to test the differences in behaviour between nationalities. They gathered together 4 groups of holidaymakers, Brits, Americans, Germans and Japanese. The researchers then subjected them to a series of unfortunate events. The holidaymakers had no idea they were even taking part in an experiment, let alone being filmed. One experiment involved setting their national flag on fire, and leaving it burning for the holidaymakers to find. On discovery, the Americans cried over their flag, built a makeshift coffin for it, and carried out a solemn funeral procession. They were angry and insulted at this affront to their nation. The Germans and Japanese were both shocked to find their flags burning, and very concerned that they may have offended someone. Both groups racked their brains trying to work out who they had upset, so that they could make amends and leave the resort workers with a good impression of their respective nations. Finally, the Brits came downstairs and made the grim discovery of the Union Jack set ablaze. What did they do? They laughed heartily at the thought of having annoyed someone to such an extreme, tore the flag down, threw it in the bin and carried on partying.

Blair once defended a deputy Prime Minister whose rejoinder to being egged in public was to punch the culprit. Tony’s own reaction to the news that his 16 year old son had been found abandoned in a gutter in Leicester Square in the middle of the night, drenched in his own vomit and lying to the police about his name and age, was to say that he had found the whole escapade “absolutely hilarious.” What kind of parent would find it amusing to think of their child in such a dangerous situation? This is the person whose “values” have been forcibly stamped into the very fabric of our society, the leader who is supposed to be setting an example for the next generation.

The people of Britain, particularly in the armed forces, have been very vocal of late about the disgraceful, wimpish behaviour of the captured naval personnel who have so embarrassed us before the world. They proclaim, “This would never have happened in Churchill’s day!” Well, I have news for you, mate. This isn’t Churchill’s day. This is Blair’s day. The entire exploit is a metaphor for British society under Blair. Forget dignity, forget courage, don’t worry about anyone else. As long as you’re alright, Jack, that’s all that matters. Maybe you can even sell your story and make a few quid out of it!

In Britain today, morality and ethics are rare commodities, and it is into this void that the symbols of chivalry bring both memories of an idealized past and the hope for a better future. For under the pressures of modern life man has only morality to defend his soul from the ravages of the world. However, let’s take a look at the ancient and venerable tradition of Knighthood today.

The standard set for knighthood is as follows:
They shall have been obedient to the governing documents of the Society and the laws of the kingdom.
They shall have consistently shown respect for the Crown of the kingdom.
They shall have set an example of courteous and noble behaviour suitable to a peer of the realm. They shall have demonstrated support for the aims and ideals of the Society by being as authentic in dress, equipment and behaviour as is within their power.
They shall have shared their knowledge and skills with others.
They shall have practiced hospitality according to their means and as appropriate to the circumstances.
They shall have made every effort to learn and practice those skills desirable at and worthy of a civilized court.
To this end they should have some knowledge of a wide range of period forms, including but not limited to literature, dancing, music, heraldry, and chess, and they should have some familiarity with combat as practiced in the Society.
They should participate in Society recreations of several aspects of the culture of the Middle Ages and Renaissance.

Why, then, have popstars such as Bono and that aging icon of drug-culture, Mick Jagger, been made Peers of the Realm? With this treatment of what were once high honours goes an apparent compulsion to demean and proletarianise every great public occasion which should have associations of dignity and splendour. Not to mention the cash for honours scandal.

And so this brings me to my ultimate point, the death of chivalry. I think many people misunderstand the concept of chivalry. They think it means that men should worship all women and treat them as goddesses just because they are female. Actually, the point of chivalry is that that men treat women like ladies, and in return, the women treat men like gentlemen. Of course, these ideals were not helped by the feminist movement, who gave us search pearls of wisdom as “All men are rapists and that's all they are,” and “Heterosexual intercourse is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for women's bodies.”

When a man opens a door for a woman and she responds with a look of disgust or calls him a sexist pig, there’s a possibility he won’t bother trying to be helpful or courteous to the next woman who comes his way. And men probably don’t feel very inclined to behave like gentlemen towards the ladettes who so endear us all with their charming, “What you f****** lookin’ at, ya f****** wanker?” Followed by copious amounts of vomiting and burping. This delightful behaviour hardly sets the stage for a romantic hero to lay down his cloak while she urinates all over it.

Chivalry is a sense of justice, honour and a flaming desire to do what is right.. But people in modern Britain now only follow the rules they absolutely have to follow. Courtesy and honour, it seems, are not important to people today, who only care about themselves. Chivalry promotes order and respect, real respect, not the kind Blair keeps banging on about. Chivalry teaches that the self is not the only thing of importance, which is what holds a society together.

Striving for the perfect society is like the quest for the Holy Grail, reaching for an impossible target. Does that mean we shouldn’t bother? Of course not. If you aim for the stars, you will at least reach the sky. The knights who didn’t find the Holy Grail still did many good works as they traversed the country on their quest.

Charles Kingsley once declared, "Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth." And God knows, there are plenty of wrongs still to redress.

In some esoteric traditions, the sword is a symbol of will. So I say to all you would-be warriors out there, raise your mighty swords and prepare for battle. For, as Richard DeVod observed, “just as it is impossible to win the race unless you venture to run, so it is impossible to win the victory unless you dare to battle.”